| 1. A married lady,who is not properly trained in the art of cooking,is asked by her husband to prepare some boiled eggs for him.And having put the eggs on fire,she adds salt and other cooking ingredients to make them delicious. But the end product is a mess. | ||||||
| 2. A young lady was in a church where the pastor prophesied that God would visit them all at the points of their needs.Shortly after the church hours,Immanuel,which is interpreted to mean"God with us" came calling with a shopper's bag filled with goods. | ||||||
| 3. A man who is desperately looking for a woman to be married,places an advert in the daily newspaper; and it reads thus:"Applications are invited from women of any class who know how to make money and not how to spend money!" Ha! Ha!! Ha!!! | ||||||
| 4. A young man went to visit an old lady who was just recovering from malaria ill-health. Having sat for sometime,he stood up;paced the room and declared his intention to leave. Shortly afterwards, a drama unfolded itself. Young man:"I have only come to see you, out of love for you!" Old lady:" I am happy my God has shown me one of my enemies." |
||||||
| 5. A man who has self-trained himself in the act of public speaking was invited to give a lecture in one of the university campuses in the United States of America.He left a deep educational impression on the minds of the listeners who were from different walks of life,during the lecture.Shortly after the lecture,on getting home, he got a call from a gentleman who wanted to know which alma-mater he attended.And the following dialogue ensued: Question:"Hey,what was your alma-mater?" Lecturer:"Hey,my alma-mater was and still is "books"!" |
||||||
| 6. An atheist was invited to deliver a lecture on his beliefs.He mounted the rostrum and did justice to the subject,and while descending the rostrum he,having proved beyond doubts his beliefs,slipped and nearly fell over and cried to the hearing of the audience:"Oh,my God!" | ||||||
| 7. A young chemistry student had inadvertently placed his chemistry notebook in a pool of palm oil to the extent that the pages were soaked with it,and subsequently turned yellowish.As he sat in the chemistry class,the following dialogue ensued between him and his teacher. Teacher:"What makes your book pages turn yellowish in colour?" Student:"Sir,this is just a practical demostration of what we have been taught in the class.They have only undergone oxidation as a chemical phenomeon. |
||||||
| 8. Two women,one wise and the other foolish;met in a marketplace and started to discuss their husbands.The dialogue is as follows: First woman:" Darling has just given me $500 to buy all my needs!" And the other woman was downcast and she thought to herself. Second woman:"I am going to fight darling today for having failed to meet my needs." |
||||||
| 9. At the launching of a biographical book of a multi-millionaire,his mother was asked to make a speech and she started thus:"This man whose biography is launched today is a product of an unwanted sex,which today,is termed as an act of rape by some married women." | ||||||
| 10. Once upon a time a king was desperate to destroy the peace of God.In search for peace,he asked that kids between ages 2 and below be beheaded,but peace eventually triumphs unbeheaded. | ||||||
| 11. A man who goes by the name ,"Immanuel" is on a distant journey to a neighbouring town to where he lives.As day gives way to dusk,all of a sudden,he becomes stranded and needs some help.He looks for help with a woman who has been earmarked for destruction by the men of the underworld for the night.She puts him up for the night. When the robbers come,they see her with Immanuel and change their minds not to kill her,to her surprise.She never knows the meaning of Immanuel until later,when she becomes born again and is reading her bible that she sees that Immanuel means"God with us" In her interpretation,the night Immanuel is put up with her. It is God that is putting up with her.This informs the reason why the bible says:"If God is with us,who can be against us." | ||||||
| 12. A man who has been absent from the church for sometime goes to see his pastor in the church office and the following conversation ensues: Pastor:"It is such a long time we have seen you in the church,is anything wrong?" Church member:"I do need to work hard in order to make ends meet! That is the reason you have not been seeing me in the church." Pastor:"Don't you know that you cannot serve both God and mammon together!" Church member:"Pastor ,the bible says:"Heavens help those who help themselves!"" |
||||||
| 13. A young man goes to visit his friends who live in a dilapidated house,and wants to defecate.He is shown the toilet and when he gets there he discovers that it is not suitable enough for his use and he leaves. The next time he goes there he finds himself in the same situation and wants to use the toilet again and finds that it is not in a suitable condition but he goes ahead to use it because he cannot help using it this time around. | ||||||
| 14. A young guy happens to meet a beautiful damsel at a party-a single mother-and they fell in love.After many months of courtship the man demanded for sex and his demand was declined on the precept that she was a virgin.The following dialogue ensues: Man:"Having been together for a couple of months,I feel it is the right time to show ourselves how we loved each other." Woman:"And that means?" Man:"Let have sex" Woman:"Don't you know I am a virgin?".She said this out of unconsciousness that she had had a child. |
||||||
| 15. An undercover pastor was worshipping in a church where,during the offering and tithe time,one of the ministers of the church stood and paced up to the bible reading stand,and opened it to the book of Malachi where the bible reads that people have robbed God by not paying their tithes.The pastor looked around the church and sensed not the presence of God,and said to himself God is not here,therefore I have not robbed God.Then he makes up his mind not to pay the tithes. | ||||||
| 16. A man who has long had sex,meets a young lady who claims she is a virgin;in an attempt to boost her innocence.And the following dialogue ensues. The man:"Hey babe,do you know that I would like to make love with you?" Young Lady:"I can't make love with anyman because I am a virgin." The man:"Do you know that I hate virgins?!" "Yes,I hate them!" |
||||||
| 17. Of late,in one of renowned churches in Ireland,a man happened on a self-acclaimed apostle and evangelist and the following dialogue ensued. Self-acclaimed apostle:"Do you know that I am spiritually inclined?" The man:"I don't know!" self-acclaimed apostle:"Are you fully aware of the incidents that are going on in the church?" The man:"What incidents? I haven't got wind of any incidents!You know that I just come,worship and go to my home!" Self-acclaimed apostle:"Do you know that I have been in the lord more than the presiding pastor has done?" The man:"I don't know! And besides,I don't want to know the number of years you have been in the lord.As regards everything we do here on earth,the final arbiter is God. Self-acclaimed apostle:"Woe betide you for giving me that kind of response.Get you out of my sight,quick!" The man:(doesn't take chances immediately responded)Woe betide you too for talking like an unbeliever.To hell with a self-acclaimed apostle and evangelist! |
||||||
| 18.A father asks his daughter to always make sure she calls him.And his daughter replies that she is always afraid to call him because she knows that each time she had called him he always asked for money.And the father promises that he would not ask her for money,then the daughter agrees to always call him.Some months afterwards,she calls to say hello to her father and in the process the following dialogue ensues: Father:"Such a long time since you have called me!" Daughter:"I didn't mean to stay this long before calling you.It just peradventure happens like that!" Father:"Did you know that I had wanted to call you to send some money to me to meet some ends?" Daughter:"Oh my God! You have broken the promise!" |
||||||
| 19.Mr.A and Mr.B are two jolly friends who have resided in Europe for a couple of years and in the process of a discussion strike up a subject matter which is of interest to both of them.Mr.A says he has used four makes of cars,namely,Toyota;Mercedez benz;Mitsubishi;and Honda accord,and Mr.B says he has used all makes of cars.At this point in their discussion,they enter a heated debate over what makes of car each of the other has used.Then the following dialogue is struck up. Mr.A:"Since I arrived in Europe,I have bought four different makes of cars.And you haven't bought just one,then how on earth have you used all makes of cars? You know I know you inside out." Mr.B:"You are very much correct,but remember I have been taking taxis (with different makes of cars) through the years.I think that confirms the basis of my argument." |
||||||
| 20.A man who is an ardent viewer of the televison program,named "Smash Down" and understands little English vocabulary was told by one of his friends to hire an undertaker in the event of his age-striken mother's death.This is how the dialogue goes: Man:"My mother is stricken in age and may pass away anytime from now!" Friend:"If she passes away,all you need do is to hire an undertaker and get her buried!" Man:"An undertaker? How do I get an undertaker who lives in the United States,hundreds of thousands of miles away from here?" |
||||||
| 21.A young man,who,each time he does something wrong,always claims he does not know the difference between right and wrong,-is one day given the choice of picking between two oranges(good and bad oranges)and succeeded in picking the good orange,-is found to have committed murder and arraigned before a presiding judge and the following dialogue ensues: Young Man:"I haven't seen anything wrong in my act." Presiding Judge:"Can you see anything right in your act?" Young Man:"Yes,your honour!" Presiding Judge:"Whatever is right in your act is equally wrong in your act!" |
||||||
| 22.A newly wedded couple,who at the time of their solemnization agrees to become one flesh when the presiding priest asked them at the altar.After a passage of time,whenever each is being favoured more than the other,there is always an outcry from each to the other that they are being more favoured than themselves.The following portrays the drama. Wife:"Sweet heart,do you know that your friend,James,was here today,and when he was about to leave he gave me sum of $100? Husband:(completely dawncast)"Ehh,ehm,I can see,James gave you $100 and he never gave me a cent since he has been here to see us." Wife:"But sweet heart,he must have done so believing we are one flesh." Husband:"No,we are not one flesh,but different flesh!" |
||||||
|